A dull-looking metal alloy alien spacecraft was spotted cruising along the New Jersey turnpike Saturday. Authorities are interested in contacting the owner; the craft did not have proper license plates.

Osama bin Laden escaped from a federal terrorist detetion facility at Guantanamo Bay, Cuba, and has been spotted on the surface of Mars by the Spirit rover. NASA scientists speculate that bin Laden had the aid of extraterrestrials; President Bush, with a nod from the US Senate and House of Representatives, declares war on Martians.

Abducted! will follow the daily lives and nightly alien abductions experienced by twelve participants who have been regularly abducted by aliens during their sleep.

Hot on the heels of theories that international terrorists are to blame for the raging California wildfires, NASA has stolen the headlines: extraterrestrial terrorists have launched attacks on Earth, using our Sun as their weapon.

Church reveals documentation of extraterrestrial visits that had remained under lock and key for nearly 1,500 years.

Ecumenical patriarch Bartholomew I today unveiled a startling set of documents that have remained out of public view for up to one and a half millenia. These documents, written on parchment, detail the visits by Aliens to the leaders of the Eastern Orthodox Church in the early years of its separation from mainstream Catholicism.

Washington D.C – Byzantine News sources here in Washington have uncovered a letter from high ranking Alien officials stating their intention to reveal their existence, and to apologize for their behavior towards humans. Contained with the letter is a rough draft of what the Aliens are planning to issue to all major news sources through the Associated Press sometime next week. Also it is said in the letter that a high ranking Alien official will consent to doing an interview with the New York Times, as the Aliens seek a respected and authoritarian paper with which to disseminate their multi-faceted agenda.

Are we safe or did we merely bury our doom?

Outside Area 51, Nevada – Government experiments in the field of alien technology took a severe toll as a large portion of the secret Area 51 base had to be evacuated and then destroyed. Government scientists were working on duplicating the energy source the aliens use for their interstellar travel, when suddenly something went terribly wrong. The engine somehow caused a tear in the very fabric or reality and something came through. Confronted by something they could not understand nor contain the government scientists called in the military, but all they could do was hold it at bay while they evacuated the area and detonated the self-destruct unit, hopefully burying their mistakes in the Nevada desert.

Ft. Worth, TX - Top-level officials for the National Aeronatic and Space Administration today vigorously denied any cooperative work with extraterrestrials, despite mounting evidence to the contrary.

Carcinogens in every-day food products blamed

Albany, New York - A woman at an undisclosed area hospital has given birth to a cat-human mutant, doctors say.

While many on-staff doctors were unable or unwilling to provide a medical explanation for this bizarre birth, other doctors were convinced that carcinogens, Cancer-causing chemicals, are to blame.

"It is clear to me," one doctor said, on the condition of anonymnity, "that the cancer-causing agents found in everyday food items is the root of this curious occurrence."

Which foods are to blame? Our anonymous physician tells us there is no-one food item that could have caused this. "All mammals share nearly seventy pecent of the same DNA sequences. The cumulative effect of all of the minute amounts of mutagenic carcinogens, in theory, could have caused a re-sequencing of those genes that make us uniquely human."