It's News, Dammit! - prophesies

World will run out of Oxygen in 12 Years

Sat, 01 Oct 2005 22:04:11 -0600

Anonymous Reader writes "

Certain disaster looms in our future, says scientist, as we gradually deplete our atmosphere of O2.

Herman Broktendock, a professor of meteorology at the University of Mississippi, announced today at a class lecture his prediction that we will all be dead in 12 years. Student reactions varied; most felt it was an issue that we need to tackle starting right now.

"Like, Professor Broktendorf is a really smart guy," says Jason McDoogle, one of Broktendock's students. "They don't just make anyone a professor, you know. So like, if he says we're dead unless we stop using oxygen now, he's gotta be totally sure about it."

World to End at Strike of Midnight

Wed, 31 Dec 1969 17:33:24 -0700

A Swedish monk has predicted today that the end is near. Very near. UPDATE - 8:30 am, PDT - The entire staff of It's News, Dammit! is pleased to announce that the world did in fact not end at midnight. We will therefore be able to continue our tradition of bringing you the news you need to know!

Nostradamus Predicts Triumph of X-Box, Microsoft

Wed, 31 Dec 1969 17:33:24 -0700

Barcelona, Spain - Recent studies of the writings of Nostradamus, the world's most infamous prophet, predict that through Microsoft's X-Box, the latest entrant into the home console gaming and entertainment market, Bill Gates will come to dominate the world.